To be a mother...

I once thought that to be a mother meant to keep your children safe, teach them right from wrong, kiss their boo-boos and read them a story before bed each night. Last year I learned that being a mother is so much more. When I had Jacob I not only became a mother (for the second time), I became a a stay at home mom, a nurse, an advocate... most of all I became a heart mom.

I have laid my child in a surgeons arms not once but twice, I have slept upright in a hospital chair, I have listened to the beeping of machines and been thankful, I have smiled through the tears, I have found strength when there wasn't any left. I am a Heart mom and this weekend is Happy Mothers Day! A Mothers love is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do the impossible.

This quote was passed around on facebook tonight and I had to share it because it is a perfect description of what our family and so many more go through. People ask me how I am so strong or how do I stay so positive. The answer is easy, I am a mom. When you have a sick child you go into survival mode. The first night Jacob was out of the hospital I held 8 syringes in my hand and cried thinking "how was I going to do this?". How was I going to keep this fragile baby alive? I was scared and didn't sleep a wink that night because I couldn't stop watching his machine to make sure his heart rate did not drop to low. He couldn't eat by mouth so he was tube fed, I had to monitor him all of the time. I wondered if he was too blue or too puffy. Should I call the doctor or is it just normal baby stuff?

I don't know exactly when it happened but it all became normal to us. Pretty soon I was pushing meds without thinking about it and I could tell you his heart rate just by listening to his breathing. I was a heart mom. I was Jake's mom. After his second surgery he was on oxygen, constantly connected to his pulse ox machine, on even more meds (I believe 8), and still on the feeding pump. Again I worried if I would be able to do it. This time I knew I could. I was no longer afraid because it was our "Normal".

Being a mother is about so much more than bedtime stories. It is about doing WHATEVER it takes to give your children the best possible life. It is about the joy you feel when you hear your child laugh or see them smile. It doesn't matter how many hours of sleep you lose or how hard life gets because that laugh and that smile just makes it all worth it. I asked Aidan what he was getting me for Mother's Day. He looked at me, smiled and said "Love". Absolutely perfect. Seriously I am the luckiest mom on earth.

Happy Mother's Day to all of the mothers out there.
A special Happy Mother's Day to my own mother, who has put her own life on hold so many times to help my family. I love you so much Mom and am so lucky to have you as my mother. Thank you for everything you do!

My Beautiful Mama

Love my boys!