Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Emotional Day

Today was emotionally draining to say the least. I slept at the hospital last night or tried to. I was so upset it was hard to sleep at all. I went to see Jacob when I woke up and was furious to see that his nurse was sick and had been trowing up. She left shortly after but was there for 3 hours. My baby just had a major surgery on his stomach and has fought the whole 4 weeks of his life and she came in sick. I wanted to scream. I know people get sick but when you work on sick babies you should not chance it at all.

Then Jacob started having episodes of going Brady again. This time they were very quick dips in his heart rate, nothing like he had the night before. No coding. One time he dipped into the 60's and they had to shake him out of it. That one was closer to what happened before but we think he was still breathing.

Everytime I heard the Brady alarm on the monitor my heart jumped into my throat and I would get choked up. I was so traumatised by the night before I could not even look at the monitor. I was just scared to death. I made a rule that I would not cry in front of Jacob. For 4 weeks I have held it together but watching him code yesterday just affected me so much. Today I couldn't seem to stop crying. I think I needed that though. I could not hold it in forever. I love Jacob so much and can't express how scary it was to see his heart rate plummet like it did. No parent should have to see that.

I spoke with the doctors and they thought it was all from sedation. I told them I did not want him having ANY more morphine. His last dose was 10am. Last Brady episode was at 1:30pm.

Around 5pm. Jacob finally started waking up and becoming alert. It was so great to see him start looking around. I finally got to hold him again and he was able to start his feeds again. It was so good to see him looking better and awake.

Thank you all for the prayers. I am amazed by the people who follow Jacob's progress and who are routing for him.

I made myself leave the hospital tonight. I had not left in days and since he was stable I decided it was time to get a good nights sleep and take the night off. So I will be back in the morning.

Praying Jacob has a peaceful night.


  1. I am thinking of you and Jacob. I can't even imagine how scary what you are going through is. HUGE HUGS

  2. Praying for Jacob and a speedy and uneventful recovery.
    Kathy I know how hard and scary it is to see your baby code or even slow down breathing.
    Everytime Cameron has had a open heart surgery or a big heart cath..he codes.. i have witnessed it twice...both time i have fell to my knees and cried and prayed. i will never get use to it...never!!!
    i pray nightly for you, for jacob and for your hsband and for your oldest son... the power of prayer does work.... it is helping jacob keep his fighting spirit....
    Lots of prayers being sent your way

  3. We are thinking of you and praying for your family. I look forward to the blog when you tell us Jacob is ready to go home.
    Thank you keeping us posted.

  4. I can read easier than I can comment these days...but please know I read your posts and take them to heart and to prayer...I'm glad you are sharing all this so all of us out here can pray and hold you up! My heart aches for all you just went through in the recent days. SO GLAD you could and did get away from the hospital, your brain really does need that...I are so much better able to be there and present for your baby after the break away...I'm glad things calmed enough that you could do that. Gwen did not do well on Morphine either - she "forgot to breath" (short story version) while on it and one time like that and they stopped morphine for her for good - in fact, they even took her off the pentabarb too...and would only use it via a small dose given once and not continuously if she was going to need it again and for a little bit I had to actually make sure the nurses were aware...Oh these awful sedatives!! Oh, I never got over the moment I thought I was going to loose her - I know to well how you feel - I am glad it is behind you and I have faith that is is behind you now...homeward bound...that is what is next!!!