Today was emotionally draining to say the least. I slept at the hospital last night or tried to. I was so upset it was hard to sleep at all. I went to see Jacob when I woke up and was furious to see that his nurse was sick and had been trowing up. She left shortly after but was there for 3 hours. My baby just had a major surgery on his stomach and has fought the whole 4 weeks of his life and she came in sick. I wanted to scream. I know people get sick but when you work on sick babies you should not chance it at all.
Then Jacob started having episodes of going Brady again. This time they were very quick dips in his heart rate, nothing like he had the night before. No coding. One time he dipped into the 60's and they had to shake him out of it. That one was closer to what happened before but we think he was still breathing.
Everytime I heard the Brady alarm on the monitor my heart jumped into my throat and I would get choked up. I was so traumatised by the night before I could not even look at the monitor. I was just scared to death. I made a rule that I would not cry in front of Jacob. For 4 weeks I have held it together but watching him code yesterday just affected me so much. Today I couldn't seem to stop crying. I think I needed that though. I could not hold it in forever. I love Jacob so much and can't express how scary it was to see his heart rate plummet like it did. No parent should have to see that.
I spoke with the doctors and they thought it was all from sedation. I told them I did not want him having ANY more morphine. His last dose was 10am. Last Brady episode was at 1:30pm.
Around 5pm. Jacob finally started waking up and becoming alert. It was so great to see him start looking around. I finally got to hold him again and he was able to start his feeds again. It was so good to see him looking better and awake.
Thank you all for the prayers. I am amazed by the people who follow Jacob's progress and who are routing for him.
I made myself leave the hospital tonight. I had not left in days and since he was stable I decided it was time to get a good nights sleep and take the night off. So I will be back in the morning.
Praying Jacob has a peaceful night.