Jacob's Journey: Missing my baby boy

Monday, April 5, 2010

Missing my baby boy

I have not been to see Jacob since Saturday. His daddy and grandma have been there but I miss him more than anything. I have been having stomach issues and have been staying away just to be safe. He has more than enough to deal with right now.

However, I really am beginning to think its not viral. I have not felt right since the c-section. I had a tubal as well and wonder if that has anything to do with it. The pumping milk is draining me as well but I really want him to have the breast milk. I just feel like my body hates me right now. I am going to call the midwives again and see what they think. I don't want to stay away from my baby boy if I don't have to. I have been crying everyday. I just miss him so much.

Aidan and Andy are also leaving tomorrow. I can't wait until the day when our family can all be under one roof.

On a positive note...

Jacob is continuing to do so well. He is off all heart meds. His is doing well with weening off of the vent. He is still tolerating the breastmilk. So proud.

3 comments:

Wodzisz FamilyApril 6, 2010 at 7:19 AM
You all are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you get to see Jacob soon and the tummy problems are not viral. I know it must be hard not to be there every day. God Bless.
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The Yarbough'sApril 6, 2010 at 1:40 PM
Kathy.. I remember the days of leaving Ruthie at the hospital. It was so hard. It felt so wrong. YOU ARE AN AMAZING MOM! You are doing everything within your power to keep your little one healthy. Remember to drink TONS of water! When in doubt drink water!! It made a HUGE difference on me! Also, remember to sit down as much as possible. You are recovering just as much as Jacob is recovering. He needs rest and you need to rest. I hope your stomach issue goes away quickly. Until then, keep praying, keep looking at pictures, and keep strong. You are vital to your son's health, so stay as healthy as possible! REST! BIG BIG HEART HUGS!!!!
YOU ARE AMAZING!
Prayers constantly!
Love,
Laura
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JillianApril 6, 2010 at 6:36 PM
I hope you start feeling better soon.

Jacob is adorable and I'm so glad to hear he is doing well! I hope you get to see him very soon!

Thinking of you!
jillian
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When I became a heart mother...

One day my world
came crashing down,
I'll never be the same.
They told me that
my child was sick...
I thought, am I to blame?
I don't think I can handle this...
I'm really not that strong.
It seemed my heart
was breaking...
As, I'd loved her for so long.
I will not give up on this child...
despite your best "advice".
I will give my child a chance...
No matter what the price.
And I will learn all that I need...
to help my child to thrive.
I'll even use that feeding tube...
My child will survive!
Will he require therapy?
What if he can't gain weight?
Alright God I can do this...
I will not curse our fate.
The feeding pump beeps,
at 3:00 a.m.
It serves as my reminder...
How many parents would
welcome that sound?
Tomorrow Lord,
I will be kinder.
Another angel earns
their wings...
and I run to my sleeping
child's bed...
I watch her then, for
quite awhile...
Bend down and kiss her head
Then I cry for the parents
whose lives have been broken,
And I look to God
wondering why?
Oh Lord, I just can't
know your ways...
No matter how I try.
And yet, I trust You to
hold her life,
And guide us through
each day
My mind says savor each
moment she's here...
But my heart whispers,
"Please let her stay".
From... pacing the
surgical waiting room...
to sitting by her hospital bed...
From... wishing for a
good night's sleep...
to learning every med...
From wondering will
she be alright?
to watching her reach
out her hands.
With every smile, my
heart just melts..
despite life's harsh demands
For all who see
that faded line...
I look to them and smile...
You see, my child is
loved so much...
I would face any trial.
That same scar I trace
with my finger...
It's the door to her
beautiful heart
I never guessed how
much I'd love her...
Just as YOU loved her
right from the start
A heart mom is
always a heart mom...
Now wise beyond her years
And for those who have
angels in heaven...
Our hearts share in
all of your tears.
Everyday I will strive
to remember...
You chose me for her
and no other
And I will embrace
that beautiful day...
When I became a "heart mother".
~Stephanie Husted

What does it mean to be a mother?

It's that very first moment,
He's placed in your arms,
A wrinkled red face,
Filled with so many charms,
You can't help but cry,
(As a new mother knows)
You've been waiting so long,
Just to count all his toes,
Then visitors come,
Bearing gifts that are blue,
And they laugh, and snap pictures,
Saying, "He looks like you."
And in just a few days,
(Ahh... the joy and the fun)
You'll be on your way home,
With your beautiful son.

What is it like to be a heart mother?
Again, it's that moment,
You hold your child close,
And cry secret tears,
That a heart mother knows.
In just a few days,
Maybe less,maybe more,
You'll be letting him go,
Asking, what lies in store?
And as your child lays,
In a small isolette,
You think to yourself,
I must not get upset,
And as family arrives,
You try hard to stay strong,
But your tired eyes say,
That this all seems so wrong.
You know what is coming,
Though your still not prepared,
He will leave your safe arms,
To have his heart repaired.

What does it mean to be a mother?
It is nights with no sleep,
It is feedings and spit up,
It is watching him roll,
And then finally sit up.
It is knowing this child,
Depends on you most,
It's those everyday milestones,
in which, you can boast.
And yes... there is crying,
(At time's it's quite loud)
But when he says,, "Mama".
He makes you so proud.

A heart mother...
Ahh.. yes little rest,
As the monitors beep,
And you begin to question,
Is there such thing as sleep?
And you can't go home yet,
And your kid's ask each day,
"Will we see you soon mommy?
Can you come home and play?
Real soon... you promise,
Yes...I miss you too",
And then people ask,
How you do what you do.
And you stroke his forehead,
And his fist is unfurled,
And you know for this child,
You would give all the world.

A mother...
Time passes quickly,
Soon he's off to school,
And before you know it,
Hugs just aren't "cool",
He's a teenager now,
With dreams of his own,
And one day it hits you,
My child, has grown.
And though you are proud,
For all he's achieved,
Life passed more quicly,
Than you could have believed.

A heart mother...
You've always strived to live each day,
As if it were the last,
As the mother of a heart child,
You know things can change fast.
You've seen so many familes,
Endure things you can't understand,
And while you trust that God is good,
Sometimes you just don't understand.
But you go on, because you must,
God chose you for him, and no other,
Your stronger that you could imagine,
You have become a heart mother.

Every mother...
And every mother's journey,
Begins on that day when,
She knows with everything she is,
A mother, she has always been.
Crayon marks cover all the walls,
Muddy prints scatter the floor,
Toys and messes everywhere,
And yes... laundry galore.
I must have the best job that there is,
(Despite all the clutter and mess)
My children.. they remind me,
Life shouldn't be such a stress.
Each and every day we have,
(To laugh, to hug, to play)
Is a memory I'll always have,
And nothing, can take that away.
I wouldn't trade a moment,
Or all that they've taught me to see,
I'm blessed to be a mother,
It's more than I'd dreamed it could be.

~Stephanie Husted

Monday, April 5, 2010

Missing my baby boy

3 comments:

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